I had a fat problem for over thirty years. I learnt from an early age the art of dieting from my mother. Whilst mum prepared the evening meal I would write in her notebook the number of “points” she had eaten that day and subsequently what she was “allowed” to eat later. I was around seven years old at the time.
My mum was overweight from an early age (there are very few photos of her; she avoided the camera) and I was told that I too would be the same if I didn’t control what I ate. I actually ate very healthily as a child and was very active but around the age of sixteen my body went from a slim size 8 to a size 16 within a year, and fatter after I left home at seventeen when I would eat large portions; in fact I remember once eating a three course meal followed by Kentucky Fried Chicken. Understandably I felt crap about myself and so the dieting journey started in earnest.
I believed that I was destined to be fat; after all I had watched my mum struggle on a daily basis. I did not know why I was eating so much and why other people could eat the same and be slim, it was so unfair. I was out of control and so it was a relief to follow a strict diet plan and weekly weighing, with some exercise thrown in for good measure. I would join a gym and religiously attend classes for about a month and then give up. I tried jogging for a while but hated it. Swimming was not an option because I would not be seen dead in a swimming costume. I even resorted to employing a personal trainer as that was the only way I could make myself exercise on a regular basis. I have a collection of exercise equipment in my home; it’s called the gym museum.
I tried EVERYTHING (more than once) below is a small example.
- Slimming World
- Weight Watchers
- The Cambridge Diet
- The Cabbage Soup Diet
- Boiled Egg Diet
- Calorie Counting
- Low Carbohydrate
- The Carbohydrate Addicts Diet
- SlimFast (no it doesn’t work for me)
When I couldn’t stick to a diet any longer and I wanted to get off the cycle of enthusiasm followed by failure I resorted to surgical procedures and medical intervention
- Liposuction under general anaesthetic, but was very disappointed that the surgeon did not remove the amount of fat that I was expecting.
- Extremely painful Fat Busting Injections to my stomach and legs
- Liposculpture under local anaesthetic (the fat comes back)
- HCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin) Hormone sublingually. I bought this on the internet from the USA. It is now only available with prescription and under medical control
- Fat Freezing (very cold)
- Botox and Fillers (Now I hate my face as well as my body)
My bookcases overflowed with every dieting book available & corresponding cook book. And because I was an absolute failure self-help books as well.
Here is just a small example:
- I Can Make You Thin
- The Fat Resistance Diet
- Habit Busting – A 10 step plan that will change your life
- The Magic of Self Direction
- The 21 Day Total Body Transformation
- The Happiness Project
- The Calorie, Carb and Fat Bible 2014
- The Primal Blueprint
- You Are What You Eat
- Low Carb Revolution
I am sure that the messages and recipes within these books have helped others but for me, at the time I could not follow through with strategies, processes or cooking. The willpower was limited, it was spent controlling food.
But then a light at the end of the tunnel (or so I thought), I started to work as a Nurse Manager within the field of Bariatric Surgery (commonly known as weight loss surgery). I took the position because:
- I could relate to the patients
- I was fascinated with the surgery
- I wanted weight loss surgery.
I was not fat enough for bariatric surgery. Can you imagine the disappointment? I had struggled to lose weight forever, I felt like sh*t and what I thought was the answer to my happiness was not an option. It was the first time I ever felt disappointed with my weight for all the wrong reasons. I was not fat enough. I didn’t have many options left. The only surgical procedure available to me meant putting on more weight (I even considered it) what else could I do? I resorted to the only thing I knew – A different diet.
And so the cycle repeated AGAIN:
- Another diet book
- Another attempt at cooking a delicious healthy meal (I am no Nigella)
- Another self-help book because clearly there was something wrong with me.
Feeling this way affected all aspects of my life:
- What I would wear (mostly black)
- Where I would go, (swimming was avoided at all costs)
- Pretending to be happy in my skin; it was a lie
- Crying when I couldn’t fit into my clothes
- Crying when I could fit into my clothes, but I still felt sh*t because I wanted to be a smaller size
- Staying home instead of having to face the world
- Drinking a lot of red wine to numb the pain
- Avoiding daylight during intimate moments
Apparently, the sexiest thing about a woman (regardless of size) is confidence, I didn’t have any, I was too busy holding my stomach in and covering my cellulite. Probably the worst was the constant chattering in my head that revolved around weight, fat, dieting, failure, not being good enough and despair.
Thousands of pounds (approximately £20,000 – I stopped counting)
and around 1200 pounds of weight later, (having lost and gained over a 37 year period) and no longer a woman in my forties, it was time to try something different. I just didn’t know what, so I gave up.
Life was about to teach me a lesson in the form of a broken shoulder just before my annual ranch riding holiday in Arizona. During that holiday I had no option but to rest, relax, read, sleep, enjoy the sun and forget about work. No phone calls, no emails, no text messages, no radio or television, surrounded by horses and stunning views.
I completely switched off and I started to feel human again. It was during that holiday I decided that something had to change. Work had taken over my life, my diet and alcohol consumption was concerning, I was constantly in my head with lists of things to do and I was exhausted.
And then I discovered something that is fundamental to the human experience and things started to change.
Two weeks later I noticed the following:
- I was losing weight
- I hadn’t drunk any alcohol
- I had better quality sleep and woke up feeling refreshed
- I was more active
- My mind was clear of the usual chitter chatter
- I was calm and peaceful
- My behaviour was changing without me having to do anything.
Can you relate to my story? Are you ready to give up everything you have ever been told about weight loss and learn from my experience?
Are you ready to ditch the diet, scrap the scales and make a SEISMIC CHANGE?
If you are truly ready to learn the secret to easy, sustainable weight loss?
I am here to help you. Please call or email me.
(A recovered dieter)