Three Girls, Three Experiences

The triplets were born into a working-class family. Their parents worked hard to make ends meet but showered their three girls with love and attention. Their maternal Grandmother, instrumental in their upbringing always told them that they could achieve anything in life, that they would always be okay.

As money was in short supply they did not go away to exotic holidays or learn how to ride ponies but enjoyed playing together and imagining all the things they would do and have when they were older. Vicky, Daphne and Brenda were happy children.

Vicky (the victim)

Vicky; the oldest of the three hated senior school and struggled in class, she did not get any qualifications.  She has worked in dead-end jobs all her life. She is now a parent of three young boys. Her husband works shifts to make ends meet.  They live in a small house close to the children’s school. She is friends with other mothers but feels inferior to them. They seem to have their lives together in comparison to hers.

She is overweight, depressed, believes that this is her lot in life. Every day is a struggle. She does not believe she can lose weight; after all, it runs in the family so what is the point? She has tried in the past but never been able to keep the weight off.  She numbs her feelings of frustration and sadness with food, and television, dreaming of living the celebrity lifestyle but knowing it could never be. 

Her Gran always told her she could be anything she wanted to be, that she would always be okay.  Well, that was obviously a lie, because she is not okay, all she wants is to be slim and living an affluent lifestyle.

Vicky feels as if she is in a fast flowing river crashing against the rocks:
A victim of circumstances that she cannot change.

Daphne (the doer)

Daphne is the middle child; her daughter goes to the same school as Vicky’s children.  Daphne can’t understand why Vicky has let herself go. She doesn’t try to lose weight yet is always complaining about it. In fact, she seems to complain most of the time.  Daphne has a part-time job as a receptionist at the local factory. She has just returned to work now Maisie is at school. Daphne left school with no qualifications but taught herself computer skills. It has kept her brain ticking and given her the tools and confidence to seek alternative employment. Daphne doesn’t want to stack shelves anymore, she wants a career. 

Daphne has been carrying baby weight for two years.  She feels uncomfortable in her clothes, it’s time to do something about it; time to start another diet. She joins the local slimming club with other work colleagues; she has a goal of 14 pounds in seven weeks. Lunchtime is consumed with diet talk and planning meals for the rest of the week. It’s becoming a chore preparing food for herself separate to her husband and daughter. She wants to eat chocolate so badly; her will power is tested daily. She avoids nights out with the girls because she knows she won’t be able to stick to her diet. She appears to be happy but underneath the outward façade are feelings of self-judgment, frustration and sadness. The scales are her friend and her foe. She wants to know yet dreads getting on them. She feels jubilation when she achieves weight loss and failure when she does not. She digs deep and continues to follow the diet, safe in the knowledge that she is not alone in her struggle. Maybe she will go out this weekend. Blow out the cobwebs for once, forget the diet.

Her Gran always told her she could achieve whatever she wanted in life, that she would always be okay. Well, she did not tell Daphne how hard it would be, but at least she is not in the same situation as Vicky.

Daphne pretends she is sailing through life without a care in the world but, like a swan on a lake, she is paddling away to control her destination.

Brenda (the believer)

Brenda is the youngest of the three girls.  She loved spending time with her grandmother who told her she could achieve anything she wanted. She loved playing games with her sisters and imagining the life she would live.  Brenda remembers how much her parents loved her. Brenda left school with no qualifications. Her dream was to become a nurse.  Ten years later from determination and dedication she achieved her goal.   She has two young children; they also go to the same school as her sister’s children.  

Brenda has never had a weight problem; she lost her baby weight quickly and easily. She is very grateful for her life, its everything she believed it would be.  Recently her husband was made redundant, it came as a big surprise however he is now training to become an engineer (something he has always wanted to do). Brenda has increased her working hours to support the family financially. It’s a struggle to organise child care but she enjoys her job and is happy that her husband is following his dream.

Brenda has a different outlook on life to Vicky and Daphne. She knows that her experience of life is not from outside circumstances but how she perceives those circumstances. She knows she is okay and does not get caught up in negative thinking.  Sometimes she feels low but knows this is a transient feeling. She listens to her intuition, it has always served her. 

Brenda is flowing through life with ease and joy, secure in the understanding that her thoughts direct her future.
Believing that she has the strength and resilience for any situation:
After all, that’s what her Gran always told her.

Is your life like Vicky’s, Daphne’s or Brenda’s or a combination of the three?

Do you want to be a Vicky, a Daphne or a Brenda?

Do you want a different life for yourself?

Transformative coaching does not focus on problems.   Transformative coaching allows you to look in a different direction, helping you to remember that:

Regardless of circumstances,
YOU will always be ok.
When you believe this your transformation begins.

Published date: August 2, 2019

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